I decided to write a blog to highlight what little terrors my children (and probably yours too) can be. Well the blog is up and running… so of course, my kids have been very well behaved and have given me ZERO inspiration for a blog post. Figures right?! It is only a matter of time before they decide to test me … In the meantime …

Last weekend, I made cinnamon rolls. No, not the homemade kind that you have to add yeast to and allow to rise. We’re talking about the ones in the can, that scare the crap out of you when they pop open. The ones with the icing that is all rolled up with them and is never enough for your sugar rush needs. I am attempting to eat healthier, but this can of gooey goodness happened to be in the back of my fridge for about 2 months and I figured I better use it up rather than let it go to waste, right? If I am going to break my diet, it better be for a good cause. When they were done, Blake asked me if HE could have the middle one. I am not breaking my diet just to have the rolls with the crispy outer layer. Momma wants the good stuff. “No Blake, the middle one isn’t the best. YOU want one of the other ones.” He happily accepted and took what was given him. This exchange inspired me to come up with the following list: Lies I tell my kids. #noshame. Lying implies that there is a negative connotation here, but let’s be honest, sometimes lying to our children is in everyone’s best interest.

• The middle cinnamon roll is the worst
• There is no more candy
• Your teeth will fall out if you eat all that candy
• It’s too cold out
• It’s too hot out
• Disney World burned down
• Santa won’t come ever again if you don’t sleep
• I will come back and check on you in 10 minutes
• It tastes exactly like chicken nuggets
• If you keep touching it, it will fall off
• The Zoo is closing soon
• Mommy forgot her wallet
• That will give you eczema
• The splash pad is closed
• Of course Mom and Dad only had sex (insert # of kids) times (shoutout sisters for this one)
• We don’t use that language in this house
• Mommy can’t put you to bed tonight, she has to go to work. (I lie to my toddler so my husband can successfully put her to bed without me. I even drive around the block and everyone waves bye to me. Shameful, I know)
• If you turn that light on , the cops will pull Mommy over
• Jesus told me that (bad behavior) made him sad
• The elf was too sick to go back to the North Pole last night.
• This is spicy, you won’t like it.
• The cat ran away….
• The cat went to live with another family
• This has caffeine in it you won’t like it.
• The hot tub is broken
• Daddy loves his job.
• I have no idea what happened to your Cadbury egg.
• The dog ate it.

These are merely snippets of the lies I have told my kids. My kids are 2 and 4, so I am looking forward to a whole lifetime of little nuggets to sprinkle in their trusting lives. One day, they won’t be quite as gullible and my fun will be over and I will have to share my *spicy* Skittles.